WERE YOU BORN IN A TENT

Tuesday 10 September 2013

NAKED FOR SATAN

285 Brunswick St, Fitzroy

Visited: 1st September 2013

Design: If there was ever a doorway where you felt like you were about to walk into Willy Wonkers factory, this is it. (More the interior view than the door itself) The door on the other hand is a beautiful black powder coated Art Deco inspired steel frame that gives a sturdy industrial feel, yet minimal enough to achieve a sleekness. The square windows and door panels create balance and provide a full wrap around effect of the interior before you even enter. With a polished stone floor, you know you are about to experience a door of sophistication and quality. The resistance on this baby was heavy and the return swing to close was fast and furious with a decent fucken BANG!!! as it closed. This only added to the feeling you could be visiting the big horned red fella in the pits. There was no way in the world a draft was getting into this bad boy. There were only two things that let this door down;

1. The address numbering (a little Tim Burton)

2. The hand written dining hours, this is not a Vietnamese restaurant in Victoria St. This

does not go down here. Why put this on such a beautiful door?

Door resistance: 4

Closure mechanism: Hydraulic arm

Draft: Minimal

Squeak level: 0

Change return time: 21 sec

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PROFESSIONAL DOOR REVIEWER

Searching the world for the perfect door to eat behind.

First impressions are always important, especially for a restaurant or cafe. So many people are focusing on the food these days that I felt there was a hole in the reviews world. No one was looking at the most important thing, THE DOOR! Everyone complains when it is left open, death stares are exchange when the unsuspecting group of friends having a fun night enter the premises from the cold only to walk straight in and go straight to their table totally oblivious they have left the door wide open to allow an arctic strength gale force wind to cut through the previously warm interior. Like a scene from a western film where everyone in the premises stops what they are doing and cuts down the new comers with a deathly stare. Occasionally you will get the confident diner who gets up, walks across the restaurant and closes the door with a BANG! Just to let the new comers know they have done wrong and to NEVER, EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!!! This individual makes their way back to the table staring at the newcomers, just to make sure they got the message. The only problem is, is that 5 minutes later another group come in and do the same thing and he/she feels obliged to continually do this for the rest of the night.

Well hopefully this blog puts a light on the owners of these establishments and encourages them to lift their game and create doors that allow diners to sit and enjoy their meal, to give the diner an experience before they enter the building. It is also a thank you to the makers of quality doors who care about craftsmanship.

I have developed a scoring system based on,

DESIGN:

This is assessed by the materials the door is made from, whether the door is themed, cluttered or minimal and whether there is an element of surprise or not.

DOOR RESISTANCE: 1 to 5

1 = light push

5 = heavy push

CLOSURE MECHANISM: Manual, automatic or

hydraulic arm

DRAFT: Minimal, medium or high

SQUEAK LEVEL: 0 up to 5

0 = No squeak

5 = Ear piercing

Then the last assessment is the,

CHANGE RETURN TIME:

This is the amount of time it takes to get my change once I have given the waiter the money for the bill. Last impressions are always just as important as first.