WERE YOU BORN IN A TENT

Tuesday 2 December 2014

MAJOR MAJOR

5 Smith St, Fitzroy

Visited: 17th November 2014

Design:

PD: "Double Edge this is Pinnacle Driver do you read me?"

Silence

PD: "I repeat, Double Edge this is Pinnacle Driver do you copy?"

Crackle, silence

Crackle

DE: "Pinnacle Driver this is Double Edge, we read you go ahead. Over"
PD: "Double Edge, my search has confirmed the location of MAJOR MAJOR. Over"
DE: "All sins forgiven, proceed Pinnacle Driver and describe. Over"
PD: "I'm presented with strong, bold, vertical and horizontal matte black steel work, framing the front of the building. There is a defining presence in its visual weight that appears as though it could crush the subtle window frames below. It has the gracefulness of the Millau Bridge in Southern France. The frame work is accentuated by a skeletal number of protruding pieces of metal that come out at right angles to the wall. Over"
DE: "How does this affect you? Over"
PD: "It has a feeling of containment and everything is in its right place. Nothing can go outside of the boundaries. There is no room for error. Over"
DE: "Anything else? Over"
PD: "Yes. There are unusual box-like forms that extend out from the building acting like contemporary architectural signage. The boxes appear to reference Anthony Gromley's, RETREAT II or some bunker protection firing window. On closer inspection, I find they are extensions of the the smaller frames that frame the windows and door. They have a peculiar psychological effect, where I feel they could represent some unknown purpose of the future that we of the present day don't yet understand. Over"
DE: "Do you feel they are a threat? Over"
PD: "No, more beneficial to mankind. Over"
DE: "Explain the door, we need to know about the door. Over"
PD: "The door is a 3 panel beauty. It has a decent width that gives the light framing of the door a sense of contemporary grandeur. A vertical tubular handle fits to the hand perfectly. Not too thin. There is a soft close and nice resistance. Soft bristles on the edge seal the door from the elements outside. They have thought about aesthetics. One is the middle frame of the door lines up with the window frame and benches creating a continual line across the front of the building. By god I like their spirit! Over"
DE: "Anything else to add Pinnacle Driver? Over"
PD: "The colour choices are brilliant. Soft on industrial. Scandinavian undertones drip from ever pore. It takes me back to my student days in Ornskoldsvik. Over"
DE: "Well done Pinnacle Driver, information is being assessed. We will inform you of future action. Over"
PD: "If for some reason I don't make it back, I would like to share with the owners of this establishment the words of Churchill."

"Then turn again to your task. Look forward, do not look backward. Gather afresh in heart and spirit all the energies of your being, bend anew together for a supreme effort."

"Pinnacle Driver, over and out."

Door resistance: 2.5

Closure mechanism: Hydraulic arm

Draft: Minimal

Squeak level: 0

Change return time: 26 sec

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PROFESSIONAL DOOR REVIEWER

Searching the world for the perfect door to eat behind.

First impressions are always important, especially for a restaurant or cafe. So many people are focusing on the food these days that I felt there was a hole in the reviews world. No one was looking at the most important thing, THE DOOR! Everyone complains when it is left open, death stares are exchange when the unsuspecting group of friends having a fun night enter the premises from the cold only to walk straight in and go straight to their table totally oblivious they have left the door wide open to allow an arctic strength gale force wind to cut through the previously warm interior. Like a scene from a western film where everyone in the premises stops what they are doing and cuts down the new comers with a deathly stare. Occasionally you will get the confident diner who gets up, walks across the restaurant and closes the door with a BANG! Just to let the new comers know they have done wrong and to NEVER, EVER DO IT AGAIN!!!!! This individual makes their way back to the table staring at the newcomers, just to make sure they got the message. The only problem is, is that 5 minutes later another group come in and do the same thing and he/she feels obliged to continually do this for the rest of the night.

Well hopefully this blog puts a light on the owners of these establishments and encourages them to lift their game and create doors that allow diners to sit and enjoy their meal, to give the diner an experience before they enter the building. It is also a thank you to the makers of quality doors who care about craftsmanship.

I have developed a scoring system based on,

DESIGN:

This is assessed by the materials the door is made from, whether the door is themed, cluttered or minimal and whether there is an element of surprise or not.

DOOR RESISTANCE: 1 to 5

1 = light push

5 = heavy push

CLOSURE MECHANISM: Manual, automatic or

hydraulic arm

DRAFT: Minimal, medium or high

SQUEAK LEVEL: 0 up to 5

0 = No squeak

5 = Ear piercing

Then the last assessment is the,

CHANGE RETURN TIME:

This is the amount of time it takes to get my change once I have given the waiter the money for the bill. Last impressions are always just as important as first.